Miz to replace Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible franchise

Tom Cruise (left) said he is "happy to pass the role of Ethan Hunt to a more handsome and talented actor."

Tom Cruise (left) said he is “happy to pass the role of Ethan Hunt to a more handsome and talented actor.”

Hollywood is abuzz following a surprise press conference this morning at which actor Tom Cruise announced he was “passing the torch” of portraying Ethan Hunt in the blockbuster Mission Impossible series to sports-entertainer and renowned thespian Michael “The Miz” Mizanin.

The forthcoming film of the franchise, directed by J.J. “Dillon” Abrams and due for theatrical release in summer 2019, is expected to be the most successful to date thanks to the upgrade of leading man from a D-list has-been to the Miz, the highest-paid actor in Hollywood.

Already being nicknamed “Mizzion Awesompossible,” the film includes a series of elaborate stunt pieces and deeply emotional scenes, all of which were deemed beyond the limited acting abilities of Cruise, thus necessitating the casting of Mizanin.

One of Hollywood’s most successful action heroes, Mizanin is best known for his titular roles in The Marine 7: RoboMarine, The Marine 13: Chinese Fire Drill, A Marine Christmas Miracle, and Schindler’s List 2.

Mizanin will commence filming the forthcoming Mission Impossible movie after the final production of his critically acclaimed one-man Broadway production of King Lear.

Kayfabe Staff