“WWE Network and chill” invitations fail to result in lovemaking

Whereas the phrase “Netflix and chill” has become a thinly veiled euphemism for inviting a person to engage in sexual activities under the pretense of watching movies, a new study reveals that a variation on the theme, “WWE Network and chill,” has resulted in precisely zero acts of copulation, kissing, heavy petting, or even hand-holding.

Although a rumor circulated the internet last year that a 27-year-old sandwich artist from Tuscaloosa named Brent Menderchuk had successfully seduced a woman with an invitation of “WWE Network and chill,” an investigation revealed that he merely watched Survivor Series 1991 while his aunt was in the other room, which doesn’t count.

Far from being an invitation for sex — or “booty call,” in the parlance of promiscuous youth — the new study shows that there is actually a negative correlation between invitations of “WWE Network and chill” and incidences of hankypanky. That means a man who proffers the invitation of “WWE Network and chill” reduces his chance of engaging in sexual activity with any partner aside from a video he found online of Paige.

The study found a similarly dismal success rate among other booty-call invitations regarding sports-entertainment, including:

• “I choo-choo-choose you to be my personal ho train.”
• “Wanna be All In?”
• “It’s Saturday night — want to be my main event?”
• “What’s your sign? I’m a scorpio, and I’m too cold. Warm me up?”
• “Hellllllooooo, ladyyyyyyy.”

According to the study, a lack of procreation will result in the full extinction of wrestling fans by 2027.