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It’s been nearly four months since the country music legend Naomi Judd tragically took her own life at the age of 76, but the world is still reeling from the loss. New details have just come to light about her decades-long battle with mental illness, and it’s been revealed that she was so depressed that she actually wanted to be killed onstage.

Judd Wanted To Be Killed Onstage

“I wanted to be completely honest that if someone took out a gun and killed me on stage, they would be doing me a favor,” Judd wrote in her 2016 autobiography, according to OK! Magazine.

“But I didn’t. I was there to inspire them and I could not let them down,” she continued. “I gathered every ounce of strength I had, straightened my shoulders, adjusted my suit jacket, found the will to smile, and strode out on stage.”

Judd went on to admit that she’d twice decided to end her life, but she’d lost the nerve both times. On the second occasion, she decided on throwing herself off a cliff before she backed out of doing it.

“At least suicide would make everyone feel sorry for me,” she later said.

Related: Judge Rules That ‘Graphic’ Naomi Judd Suicide Photos Remain Sealed

Judd Used Gun To Kill Herself

Judd tragically killed herself on April 30 at her home in Tennessee using a gun. 

“I will share with you that she used a weapon,” Judd’s daughter Ashley said afterward, according to The Guardian. “My mother used a firearm.”

“We’re very uncomfortable sharing but understand that we are in the position [where] if we don’t say it, someone else is going to,” she added. 

Ashley went on to talk about her mother’s grueling mental health battle. 

“When we’re talking about mental illness, it’s very important to be clear and to make the distinction between our loved one and the disease,” she said. “It’s very real, and … it lies, it’s savage – you know, my mother … couldn’t hang on until she was inducted into the Hall of Fame by her peers.”

“I mean that is the level of catastrophe of what was going on inside of her,” she continued. “The lie that the disease told her was so convincing … that you’re not enough, that you’re not loved, that you’re not worthy. Her brain hurt, it physically hurt.”

Related: Wynonna Judd Upset After Mother Naomi Left Her And Ashley Out Of Her Will

Ashley Found Her Mother Alive

Radar Online reported that it has since been revealed that Ashley found her mother alive after she shot herself, and stayed with her for thirty minutes before help arrived. Sadly, Judd was dead by the time paramedics got to her home.

“Naomi Judd should be remembered for the way she lived and not in the matter in which she died,” her family said in a statement as they requested to keep personal medical and police records sealed, arguing that these records are “private, incredibly sensitive and do nothing more than re-open the fresh wounds of Naomi Judd’s death.”

Naomi’s daughter Wynonna is preparing to go on tour without her mother this fall. 

“Life and death happen all at the same time for some of us,” Wynonna said, according to People Magazine. “And I just think it’s important for me to use my gift for as long as I have left.”

Judd’s suicide is a truly devastating tragedy, and it serves as a reminder that you never really know what someone is going through in their mind. Please join us in saying a prayer for Judd’s family and friends as they continue to grieve her loss. 

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