A Priest Holds His First Mass!

Father Edward Sheridan delivers the homily during Mass at St. Rosalie Church in Hampton Bays, N.Y., in October 2010. Two speakers at an eight-day seminar on homilies at Loyola University New Orleans told participants they should get to the point in six to eight minutes. (CNS photo/Gregory A. Shemitz, Long Island Catholic) (Aug. 15, 2011) See PREACHING Aug. 15, 2011.

Everyone loves a good joke as they are a good opportunity to cut loose and distract yourself from the daily responsibilities of life.

In one joke, a young priest is about to start his first mass, but he’s so nervous that he can barely speak. What happens next is truly hilarious!

A Priest Holds His First Mass…

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After the mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

Next Sunday the new priest decided to take the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning, he felt nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon returning to his office, he found a note on the door that said:

– Sip on the vodka, don’t gulp.

– There are 10 commandments, not 12.

– There are 12 disciples, not 10.

– Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

– Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not “Bet his ass.”

– We do not refer to Jesus Christ as “the late J.C.”

– We do not refer to the cross as the “Big T.”

– The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are not referred to as “Daddy, Junior and the Spook.”

– David slew Goliath, he did not “Kick the crap out of him.”

– When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, we do not say that he was “Stoned off his ass.”