Kathie Lee Gifford “wanted to die a few times” during a devastating battle with chronic pain that left her unable to play with her grandchildren and wondering if her life had reached its final chapter.
Lots of Injuries
The 72-year-old TV host said a series of injuries and surgeries over the past year took such a physical and emotional toll that she found herself praying to God to take her home, despite feeling deeply grateful for the life she has lived.
In the new issue of PEOPLE magazine, Kathie reflected on what she describes as one of the hardest periods of her life after undergoing a total hip replacement, fracturing the new hip while playing with her grandchildren, breaking her arm, breaking a bone after she slipped on uneven pavement, and later requiring cataract surgery after noticing problems with her vision.
Looking back on the seemingly endless run of health setbacks, the star joked, “I feel like Mr. Potato Head! One thing falls off and then another.”
Despite everything she endured, Kathie says humor has remained one of her greatest sources of strength.
She said “But you have to have a sense of humor about everything. Thank God I’ve never lost that, even in my bleakest moments. I’m a tough broad.”
Decades of Pushing Herself
The injuries forced the Emmy-winning broadcaster to slow down in ways she had never imagined after decades of an energetic career in TV, theater, and entertainment.
Since landing her breakthrough role on Name That Tune in 1977, Kathie says she spent years pushing herself physically from one project to the next.
She explained, “A lot of it was physical. I remember doing Annie at Madison Square Garden for five weeks over Christmastime [in 2006], and I played Miss Hannigan. I wanted to make it big so that the little kids sitting could see it. I did pratfalls.”
Reflecting on the demands she placed on her body over the years, Kathie added, “When I look back on all of these years in this industry, I go, ‘I can’t believe I didn’t fall apart years ago.’ I’ve never abused [my body], I just used it.”
Missing Moments
What hurt the most, however, was not the surgeries themselves; it was missing precious moments with the five grandchildren who had arrived in the past three years.
Her 36-year-old son, film producer Cody Gifford, has Frank (4), Ford (2), and Faith (10 months), with his wife, Erika Brown. Kathie’s 32-year-old daughter, actress Cassidy Erin Gifford, has Finn (3) and 13-month-old Rosie with her husband, Ben Wierda.
Kathie said, “I couldn’t carry them, I couldn’t love on them, I couldn’t run and play with them,” Gifford said. “All I could do was sit there and sing and write silly songs with them.”
She also found herself thinking about her late husband, NFL great and broadcaster Frank Gifford, who died of natural causes in August 2015 at the age of 84.
The ex-Today Show star recalled him telling her, “‘When I go somewhere, I know what people are expecting from me. I want to be Frank Gifford when I go out.'”
She realized she felt exactly the same, adding, “I want to be Kathie Lee, the person they expect. I don’t want to disappoint people. But when you’re in pain, it’s so debilitating, and everything’s a grimace.”
Darker Moments
Kathie explained that while she had experienced emotional heartache before, nothing compared with living through relentless physical pain.
She said, “I’ve had emotional pain many times in my life, but never this chronic physical pain where you literally want to go home to Jesus.”
During her darkest moments, the singer-songwriter prayed, “Lord, if this is all you have left for me, I want to go home.”
She added, “I wanted to die a few times. I wasn’t going to hurt myself. I wasn’t going to kill myself. I just didn’t want to be here, as blessed as I am.”
Thankfully, Kathie says those feelings have passed. Following multiple surgeries, stem cell therapy, and physical therapy six days a week, she has regained the mobility she feared she might never recover.
Back to Herself
Now, she says she is back doing what she missed most.
Kathie said of her grandchildren, “They’re all fantastic. I’m hoping, Lord willing, that I have many, many years with them.”
Her faith has also remained a constant source of comfort throughout her recovery.
Kathie said, “I think the secret to being not just alive but thriving is authenticity. I’ve never been a different person on camera as off. I’ve never separated my spiritual life and my secular life. It’s all the same.”
If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional distress or thoughts of suicide, help is available. Reaching out to a trusted person or contacting your local crisis or mental health service can make a real difference.
Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org 24/7.