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The Only Reason to Watch UFC on ESPN+7: Alistair Overeem Tapping Out

Alistair Overeem is so old, he remembers the days before electricity. He's so old, he actually had to eat horse meat to get big.

The UFC is touching down in St. Petersburg, Russia, this weekend for UFC on ESPN+7, and if you thought this card was going to be full of locals you’ve never heard of… Damn, you’re right. One glance at the roster and it looks like someone spilled their word-salad all over the place.

But! Aside from Roxanne Modafferi taking on the lesser Shevchenko sister, the only other fight of note is the main event. Alistair Overeem, who by now is older than most civilizations, is facing Alexey Oleynik. This is a compelling match-up because Overeem is going to lose!

Here’s an example of when Overeem was somewhat still in his prime:

Now add about 10,000 cage-miles onto him, take away whatever chin he had, and make his reflexes really, really dull. That’s him now. Meanwhile, Oleynik is big and young and… actually a pretty tough jiu-jitsu black belt who’s tapped out a lot of dudes in the Octagon.

Sure, Overeem has fought grapplers before. And he’s beaten them by stifling their game and beating on them. But now… he’s old! Older than most modern inventions!

So tune in on Saturday for that, or for the ten or so dudes who will never find their way onto an actual UFC pay-per-view card, if for no other reason than no one can pronounce their names.

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