Scientists baffled by mysterious hairlike matter dangling from Hogan’s bandana

An international team of dermatologists and follicular scientists conceded today that they are “utterly baffled” about how to identify the golden, hairlike strands of mystery matter seen cascading from the bandana worn by legendary sports-entertainer Hulk Hogan.

“It is clearly not hair — that much is certain,” said Dr. Bob Ponovich, a noted trichologist who specializes in classifying scalp anomalies. “But despite careful study, we cannot determine what, exactly, the substance is.”

Theories abound about the nature of the stringy yellow material, ranging from organic (a bleached horse mane, perhaps, or thin egg noodles) to inorganic (fine yarn) to a a new form of matter (carbon nanotubes).

“While it does look vaguely hairlike, it is clearly not growing from Hogan’s scalp, given the obvious visual differences between his sideburns and whatever is dangling from his bandana.”

Hogan himself has not spoken publicly about the mystery substance tickling the back of his neck; asked by reporters for comment, Hogan merely replied that he wanted to tell his brother something. His brother’s identity remains unknown.