BJ Penn
PHOENIX, AZ - JANUARY 15: BJ Penn prepares to fight Yair Rodriguez (not pictured) during the UFC Fight Night event at the at Talking Stick Resort Arena on January 15, 2017 in Phoenix, Arizona. (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)

These days, the best possible outcome for a BJ Penn fight is one that’s over quickly, with minimal damage taken by the crust old Hawaiian legend. So thank you, Ryan Hall. Thank you for making it quick and not killing BJ Penn.

At UFC 232, TUF winner Hall had the honors of facing the former champ who should’ve stay retired. There was literally no way Hall could win this fight except via tricky submission, because that is literally all he does. So of course Penn obliged his grappling game.

At first, Penn seemed like he wanted to strike with the dude with zero striking. But when Hall flopped to his back and began butt-scooting around the canvas, Penn opted to kick him a little, then grew confident and engaged on the ground. Maybe that lulled Penn into complacency, because when they were back on the feet, Hall simply executed an old school Imanari Roll (a famed Japanese fighters entrance into a heelhook) and tapped Penn out seconds later.

I won’t say it was painless, but it was mercifully quick, with minimal brain damage inflicted.

God, please make Penn retire for good.

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