Sports

Mysterious “whistleblower” turns out to be Bill Alfonso

The political media has been abuzz this week with reports of an anonymous “whistleblower” with damning allegations against WWE Hall of Famer and US “President” Donald Trump, but Trump insists that the so-called whistleblower is merely professional wrestling manager and referee Bill Alfonso.

trump whistleblower
Trump says he appreciates Alfonso’s “non-stop tweeting.”

Trump said the “fake news media is wrong again,” insisting that the whistleblower has not revealed any nefarious skullduggery with the Ukrainian president, but rather Alfonso is merely showing his enthusiasm for Sabu during an ECW “reunion” event this weekend in Philadelphia.

Alfonso, whose incessant whistling during matches featuring Sabu and Rob Van Dam makes classic ECW footage almost unwatchably annoying, apologized for any confusion by blowing his whistle apologetically during a press conference today.

The President is reportedly a longtime admirer of Alfonso, who was “tweeting” irritatingly long before Trump started doing so via Twitter.

As for the allegations that the whistleblower revealed a plot of the President’s collude with the Ukraine to dig up dirt on political foes, Trump scoffed: “Would a WWE Hall of Famer cheat to win?” he asked. “Never.”

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