Sports

Actual Druid Annoyed to be Working Alongside Local Indy Wrestlers in Cloaks

Waiting backstage to accompany The Undertaker at a World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) event, practicing druid Iolo Moganwyg-Pendragon was disappointed to realize his fellow “druids” were merely local independent wrestlers wearing dark robes.

“I came all the way from Stonehenge expecting to participate in a genuine summoning of the Earth spirit upon the summer solstice,” Morganwyg-Pendragon said with a sigh.

“Instead, it seems I’ll be walking in slow formation with a bunch of musclebound twentysomethings hoping for a WWE tryout. Great. Wait until Grishnach the Elder hears about this.”

Longtime druid Iolo Moganwyg-Pendragon says the nine other so-called “druids” he’s working with at a WWE event are “green as goose-shit at druidry.”

It seems Morganwg-Pendragon, a 17th generation Druid from Glastonbury, responded to a “Druids Wanted” ad online without reading the fine print, and took the gig because business has been slow at his wooden staff shop.

Morganwg-Pendragon got briefly excited backstage when he mistook Jerry Lawler for King Arthur — and got briefly terrified when he spotted Seth Rollins wearing a KingSlayer shirt — but then he became simply annoyed that his work for the Undertaker would involve no nature worship whatsoever.

When he tried to complain to a person in charge that he spectacle had nothing to do with actual druidry, he got a dismissive response from the man, who snapped: “Quite frankly, I don’t care, quite frankly.”

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