Sports

Alabama lawmakers seek to protect unborn hands of octogenarian wrestlers

Controversial state laws introduced this week in Alabama seek to "protect the rights of unborn hands in the wombs of women wrestlers over the age of 80...."

Controversial state laws introduced this week in Alabama seek to “protect the rights of unborn hands in the wombs of women wrestlers over the age of 80 who have been impregnated via seduction by Sexual Shocolate.”

The strangely specific law will overturn the previous ruling on such reproductive rights, known as “Young vs. Henry,” in which legislators ruled that the decision whether to give birth to a hand rests entirely with its geriatric mother.

“Young vs. Henry” was a landmark decision that stemmed from the divorce proceedings of Mae Young and Mark Henry — the former an elderly nutcase who could endure a powerbomb through a table, the latter a former powerlifter-turned-wrestler-turned-nymphomaniac.

mae young hand
Mae Young gives birth to a hand, the way God intended.

Following one of their many acts of hyperkinetic intercourse, Young went into labor during a live sports-entertaining event and gave birth to a beautiful, healthy hand, who is now fully grown and hoping to land an NXT contract (he performs on the independent circuit as Hand “The Happy Slapper” Henry-Young).

Alabama legislators are also reportedly hoping to pass a law that would outlaw the punting of newborns, thus overturning the landmark 2004 “Snitsky vs. Lita” ruling.

Leave a Comment