Sports

Ric Flair turns 70; Ric Flair’s liver turns 700

ric flair birthday
Ric Flair’s liver has “taken more sick bumps than Necro Butcher,” said gastroenterologist Dr. Bob Ponovich.

Legendary sports-entertainer Ric Flair (real name Tobias Greenblat) is celebrating a pair of milestones this week as he turns 70, and his party-beleaguered liver turns a whopping 700.

The so-called Nature Boy still has a boyish penchant for the high life, while the petrified lump of coal that once was his liver still somehow filters enough toxins to keep him partying and perpetually crying.

Although Flair has reportedly given up alcohol following a health scare in recent years, his battered liver remains as scarred, brown, and unpleasant as Abdullah the Butcher’s forehead.

Despite decades of hard living and endless partying, Flair hasn’t lost any of his trademark swagger, and celebrated his 70th birthday by delivering elbow drops to an unprecedented 37 suit jackets.

A lifetime of overuse has also Ric Flair’s second-most-vital bodily organ battered and listless, resulting in the speculation about the permanent closure of Space Mountain.

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